I am feeling tired as I write this post. Tired because I’ve had a busy week. I’m also tired for another reason, my obsession with losing the proverbial last 10lbs of baby weight. My kids are now 5 and 7 and I still have about 7lbs to lose, right around my belly.
It’s something that has been at the back of my mind for the last three years. The reason the voice won’t leave is because three years ago, I did it! I achieved the goal of losing the last 10lbs. I was seeing a personal trainer, working out on my own, tracking all my food and calories and I actually did it. If I’m honest, I was so happy when I did! My clothes all fit better, I felt happy when I looked at myself in the mirror. It even made my relationship with my hubby better because I felt better about myself.
However, soon after I achieved my goal of losing the last 10lbs, I was in a car accident. It changed everything. I couldn’t workout for a long time. I had anxiety and I stopped tracking my food. When I finally healed and felt better, I became a little obsessed with reaching that goal again. I remember it made me so happy and I knew that if I had done it once, I could do it again.
But I haven’t been able to, it’s plagued me. I get upset with myself when I mindlessly snack at night. I get annoyed that I workout so hard, five days a week, yet see no change on the scale. Wearing jeans makes me feel so uncomfortable because it’s tight around my mom belly. And I’m really tired of leaning over and feeling or seeing my stomach hang over my pants. Plus, how do all those other moms do it? The ones that have three or four kids and still have perfectly flat abs. If they can do it, surely I can?
Today I’m finally ready to let it go. I’m tired of not feeling good enough and comparing myself to others. Now I’m ready to accept my body for what it is and focus on the positive parts. The other day, I talked to my husband about it and he said, can you please remember that? He has always been happy with how I look, it’s just me who was self conscious and negative. That is over.
I am getting rid of my scale. I’m not going to worry about the numbers. Instead I’m going to focus on being healthy and strong.
Things like the fact that I can deadlift 135 lbs and squat with 115lbs are what is going to make me proud of my body.
Making healthy breakfasts and lunches for myself along with the kids are going to make me feel happy and feel satisfied.
Getting rid of clothes that I hope to fit in, and being content with the clothes that do fit me right now, regardless of whether my stomach is flat or not, is what my closet will be filled with.
Focusing on the fact that exercising every morning is good for so many reasons, like my health, my endurance, my strength and my mind frame, is why I will give it my all in every workout.
I am so ready to forget about losing the last 10lbs and focussing on who I am right now. Of accepting my 40-year old mom body that carried and gave birth to two of the people I love the most in the world.
My self-worth shouldn’t be determined by a number on a scale. I’m ready to stop judging myself, are you?