After being together for more than 16 years and married for over 9, the hubby and I recently had the opportunity to attend a couples workshop, more specifically a Super Couples Tune-Up. with relationship coach Tara Caffelle, to recharge and reconnect in your marriage.
Our Relationship Story
Before I share what we learned and what we got out of the workshop, I thought I’d share why we decided to go.
When the hubby and I first met, he was 20 and I was 24. Yes, go ahead, get out the cougar jokes 😉 Now, 16 years later, we have both changed a lot. I would even go as far as to say that we are quite different people. We still have fun together as a couple, enjoy our family together and share some similar interests. However, there is also a bit of a disconnect that we were having a hard time figuring out.
Staying married and being a family is really important to us so when we found out about the Super Couples Tune-Up Workshop, we thought it would be a great way to reconnect, recharge our marriage and work on the disconnect.
I will admit, talking about this to others and writing about it for all of you to read is a hard thing for me. But after going to the workshop, I realized that there are so many couples like us out there that have these things that they would like to work on in their marriage and never say anything about it out loud. So today I am and I hope it encourages others to do so as well.
No relationship is perfect, whether it’s with a spouse, partner, parent, friend or sibling. But I’ve always believed, anything worth having takes work.
We are both so glad we went to the Super Couples Tune-Up. It gave us the whole day to spend together, with no children and to just focus on US. We talked…ALOT. We listened, we did activities, we made charts, we wrote down goals, we did exercises and of course, we talked some more.
When we walked out of the workshop, we had achieved many things that relationship coach Tara Caffelle had been wishing for all the couples when they left:
– we felt closer and more connected as a couple
– there was a deeper understanding of each others needs and where we were going as a team
– we also had a strategy on how we would support one another moving forward.
A lot of great things were covered at the workshop, too many to share in one blog post.
Tips to Reconnect in Your Marriage
However, what I will share, is The Magic 5. These are 5 Simple Things You Can Do to Recharge and Reconnect in Your Marriage on a daily basis.
1. Meaningful Morning Parting
Morning can be rushed, with having breakfast, preparing lunches, getting to work, getting the kids ready and to school on time. But instead of rushing out the door, take two minutes everyone morning and say goodbye nicely to each other. It can be a hug, a kiss (six seconds is optimal) and a “have a great day!
At the end of the day when you get home and see each other again, make it meaningful and intentional. Instead of a quick, how was your day before going back to the evening routine, take some time to actually chat about your day. I know when you have kids, that’s probably hard to do, so instead, you can make a physical connection, like a hug or a kiss, which should last at least six seconds. And then you can really talk about your days once the kids are asleep. But make sure you make the time for it.
3. Practice Admiration and Appreciation
Really acknowledge and recognize your partner (and vice-versa) for who they are in your life, how they are their for the kids and the family using words, each day.
Five-minutes a day of sharing some affection and touching is great. It can be as simple as holding hands, hugging or even a shoulder rub.
5. Date Night
Each week, take a minimum of two hours where you can escape your lives together and spend time together. It can be dinner, bowling, even a walk, something where you can focus on each other and talk. Sometimes with children and the cost of a babysitter, getting out isn’t possible, so try an at-home date night. The main point is to spend time together.
Spending the day with Tara Caffelle, affectionately known as the relationship fairy, was really great for the two of us as a couple. Often, after marriage, when children come into the mix, as well as various other factors, being a real, Super-Couple, gets lost. Tara really helped us figure things out and make a plan on getting to where we want to be.
Make sure to check out last week’s post for 6 Signs That Your Relationship Might Need a Tune-Up.