Yelling at your kids. I’m not proud of it, but I do yell at my kids sometimes, it happens. I feel bad after I yell, but in the moment it just happens and it seems like the only thing that I can do to make them listen or because I get frustrated with them. But it also makes the kids feel bad when I shout and I can see it by the looks on their faces. I make a promise to myself not to yell again and I am successful for a while and then without realizing I do it again.
As parents, we do our best when it comes to raising our children, but of course, no one is perfect. And when it comes to yelling at your kids, you’re not the only one that does it.
Here are some possible triggers for yelling at your kids:
1. They only seem to listen when you yell at them.
2. Exhaustion – when you are physically or emotionally tired, that affects how you react to your kids, and it can trigger outburst like yelling at your kids.
3. Frustration – you get so frustrated with your kids and their behaviour and yelling seems like the only way to react.
4. When you feel like you’ve lost control when it comes to the kids and their behaviour, that can trigger yelling as well. This article explains the connection between loss of power and yelling at your kids, really well.
Even though in the moment, yelling at your kids may seem like the only option, doing that can have a lot of negative impacts, especially if it happens often.
Here are some of the impacts of yelling at your kids:
1. Yelling at your kids can cause them to fear you and it can also cause resentment. These feelings can affect the kind of relationship you have. The thought of my kids fearing me is a good motivation to stop yelling.
2. Yelling at your kids can affect their self esteem because yelling at your kids is belittling them and possibly sending messages that they are not important or they feel unloved.
3. When your kids see you shouting at them often, they will learn that behaviour and that’s how they will start to react as well in situations.
4. Yelling at your kids often can lose its impact. If the kid’s are so used to hearing you yell, then if it’s ever an emergency or you are yelling because of danger, they may not listen or react.
Techniques on How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids:
If you truly want to stop the pattern of yelling at your kids, here are 4 different techniques that you can try to help you out.
1. Hair Tie Method
How it Works: Every morning when you wake up, start with 5 hair ties or rubber bands on wrist. Every time you yell, lose your cool or snap at your kids, move one rubber band over to your other wrist. The goal of course is to eventually have all 5 bands stay on the original wrist.
If you do lose a band, you can earn it back by doing/saying 5 positive things with your child like giving them a hug, reading a book together, having a dance party etc. Here is a list of more ideas. If you continue doing this, the hope is that it will eventually become second nature.
2. Get Closer Method
This technique comes from Lemon Lime Adventures and it’s one simple tip that she says works 90% of the time. Usually when you yell at the kids it’s because they are doing something like not listening or arguing etc. This tip says instead of just yelling at them from far away, get closer to them, put a hand on their back, get down to their level and speak to them in a regular or softer tone. Read the entire article here.
I found this checklist for How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids on Confessions of Parenting. It helps you walk through the triggers of why you yell at your kids and it helps you come up with a plan to stop yelling. Part of the checklist is what to do if you slip and end up yelling at the kids.
4. Hearts Method
One last method that I thought was really interesting to help stop yelling at your kids, was the heart method. Basically, you physically cut out a bunch of small paper hearts. You pull them out when things get you upset, you get triggered or want to react in a negative way. Messy Motherhood used the hearts and put them up everywhere she would see as a reminder to pause, take a breath and focus, instead of yelling. Bounce Back Parenting would pull out a heart at the time when things were going the wrong way and out loud, say one kind thing. She used this method with her kids when they were arguing as well.
For myself, I know my trigger for yelling at my kids. It’s usually when I’m really tired or exhausted. It’s also when I’m at my wits end with them not listening (and after doing this research I realize that part of it is the loss of power over their actions.) But I don’t want to do it. Yelling is not good for me, it’s not good for the kids and I don’t want them to grow up thinking this is how you deal and react in life.
So I’ve started with the Hair Tie Method. I have 5 bracelets on my right hand and I will be moving them over if I yell at the kids as well as try to earn them back. I’ve been doing it for two days so far and no yelling yet. I’ve even told my kids about it and they are really interested in the idea. (I’m using bracelets that have words on them that remind me to be grateful.)
Just the idea of me not yelling at the kids makes me feel happier. Of course I know I’m not perfect and I don’t expect to be but I will do my best, and I really think we will all be happier as a family because of this. Yelling at your kids is no fun so if we can find a way to stop, we should, right?
Which on of these techniques appeals to you the most.
If you enjoyed this post you might also like:
Why Exercise Makes Me a Better Mom
Emotional Eating – Setting an Example for Your Kids
Teaching Your Kids About Helping Others